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Various Advise, Opinions and Ravings of Mr. Wacked-Out
When ordering a pizza and on a touch-tone phone, press buttons while talking. Then tell them to quit doing that.
When going through a drive through, specify that your order is "to go."
Name your dog "Dog."
Name your first born son "Drunksly."
Name your second "Pestilence," third: "Death," fourth: "Famine," fifth: "Plague."
Invite lots of people to others' parties.
Move others' stuff. But just a little bit, just to make them think about it.
Why is it that all the cars that have a BE GREEN, SAVE OUR RAIN FORESTS, and/or SAVE A TREE, RECYCLE bumper sticker are old gas-guzzlers with no muffler?
Never eat at a place called David's Brittish Hamburgers.
Life is long.
For some reason, All Sport and Gatorade make you more thirsty after drinking some.
If you have a predominant fear of fabric softener...
One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
Anything worth fighting is worth fighting dirty for.
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
I hate it when my teacher throws things at me. He doesn't throw small piece of paper, either. He throws rulers, huge erasers, and desks.
Why do they now advertise that Gummy Bears are fat free? Since when do they have fat in them?
When you're taking a test, and you know you're going to fail, talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm
SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
I hate the NY Yankees.
I hate the Oakland Raiders.
Why can't we clone all these endangered species?
I've heard that every animal has a purpose. What about the Bolivian Mosquito?
Jumping off tall things is both fun and exciting.
Never trust a calm dog.
Generally speaking, don't trust people.
Big things are good.
Always buy American if at all possible.
Why is it that historians are trying to call everyone gay? Alexander the Great, Abraham Lincoln, every man who made up a Greek Phalanx... everyone. Who's next? Wilt Chamberlin?
They should make, like, a giant Pringle.
They should also make a really big bowl of jello. Then a select few could swim in it.
Often smack your head, very hard. Saying "Shut up! All of you, shut up!"
Yours Truly,
Mr. Wacked-Out
Quote: "Guns don't kill people... I like stories."
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