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First Premire:
Morphz Message Board,
April 2000
Original Introduction
Dear everyone:
Guess who? Come on, guess! Oh, alright, it is I, Roseidous! (Like you couldn't tell from my name next to the infamous Comedy Corner logo) Well, you may be wondering why the heck I'm back. Sorry for ruining your celebration, but I just couldn't leave Comedy Corner at an odd number. So, here ya are, Issue #12! I've compounded many of the things I would have spread out over several issues into one, just to make it memorable. I hope I don't disappoint.
My my my, how the Morphz message board has exploded with new people. And it seems to have happened not long after I left...hmmm, very suspicious... =o) Anyway, greetings to you all. For those that are unfamiliar with Comedy Corner, it was a sort of jokes&parodies thing I did weekly, just to spice things up and give a good hearty laugh to those that needed it. And we all do from time to time.
Now, one other thing before I let you off onto a laughing escapade. Actually, a few things, but saying it's only one will make it seem like less at first and, hopefully, lessen the likelihood that you'll skip through my introduction paragraph(s) and move on strait for the good stuff. <=o) (Here comes the babble...) There were a few holes in my departing message. I left some people out! As I bang my head on the keyboard, I'd like to apologize to those individuals. Sorry! <=o( Now, to make things right, I shall say what I had meant to say before.... (Stop right there--I know you're about to skip this mushy stuff and go strait towards the meat of this message...I know, I can read your mind. Don't even try to deny it. I'm all seeing, all knowing. I have all the wisdom of--hey! Don't you dare take that last Twinkie! It's mine!)
Jeff- Now, how oh how could I have forgotten you? I think I know: every time I caught you online and tried to talk to you via IM, you'd disappear on me! Sheesh, it's as if you could smell my stinky old feet and scampered off before I could get in so much as a "hello." Ah well, I realize you're quite busy, so I carry no hard feelings. =o] Anywho, I'd just like to thank you for maintaining this excellent board, and allowing all those behemoth title messages through during my "crisis"...and for letting the Roseidous-JM Robin war go on as long as it did. >=o] PS- I put in a College Comedy section in here just for you. Hope you enjoy!
JPW- I'm glad to see that you're still doing 'Random Thoughts' and 'Riddle Me This' (I still can't believe you stole that title from me...). Hope all is well. Keep up the good work. =o)
Wait, that was much too short. I can vaguely recall I had wanted to say a few other things, yet I cannot remember them. How time fogs the mind, eh? Ah well, I appreciate your passionate "NOOOOOOOO!" to my leave-taking message. =o)
'Sandra- Did you ever find those books that I recommended, the Foreigner "Trilogy"? A book I highly recommend is "A Civil Campaign," by Lois McMaster Bujold. It's the latest Vorkosigan novel. Absolutely hilarious, a comedy of biology and manners--a must-read. Here is the summary from the book leaf:
"One cunning plan too many...?
"It's spring in Vorbarr Sultana, and a young person's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love...money...bio-genetics...love...lack of money...incompatible planetary sexual mores...love...District succession scandals...the Emperor's wedding...and, of course, love...
"Lord Miles Vorkosigan, youngest Imperial Auditor to be appointed by the Emperor since the Time of Isolation, has a problem all his new power can't solve: unrequited love for the beautiful Vor widow Ekaterin Vorsoisson. Ekaterin is violently allergic to marriage as a result of her first exposure. But as Miles learned from his late career in galactic covert ops, if a frontal assault won't do, go to subterfuge. He has a cunning plan...
"Lord Mark Vorkosigan has a problem: his love for the sunny Kareen, daughter of Commodore Koudelka, has just become unrequited again. But if all his new money can't solve their dilemma, perhaps a judicious blending of science and entrepreneurial scheming might. He has a cunning plan...
"Lord Ivan Vorpatril has a problem: unrequited love in general. True, with the men on Barrayar outnumbering the women five to four, his odds aren't good. But Ivan had never thought the odds applied to him. He too has a cunning plan...
"If no battle plan survives the first contact with the enemy, just image what all Mile's closest friends and relatives can do to his romantic strategy!"
Helen- Yes, Helen, I am an Andalite. I was on an expedition through the galaxy, to find intelligent life and the mysterious element known as humor, when I crash-landed here on Earth. Well, at least I found humor... =o)
Amelie- On March 4th I turned 16. From one of my uncles, I received a virtual gift certificate for Amazon.com. Yet I was grounded (still am), so how could I use it? Well, actually, I could easily have spent it from school, but I did not make that known to my parents. Instead, I got to go on at home--and I used the half-hour time span they allowed (which I should have been using to purchase an item) to check out Morphz. As you know, from school I cannot read any messages beyond the title, so I had been tortured for the longest time over what each person had said for my departure. Most likely celebrating, I suspected, but I couldn't be sure. So, of course, I jumped at the opportunity to finally find out. Amelie, what you said really touched me. Granted, I've made girls run away screaming before, but never to cry on my behalf. Thank you.
Hopefully the humorous overtones of this letter shall prevent a reoccurrence. <=o] Actually, =o) you've set me thinking. Perhaps...yes, perhaps I should start a cult. Hmmm, yesss... And a mighty statue of myself can be erected, cast of brilliant bronze to reflect my flawless tan and demonstrate my robust physique. Yes, I can see it now, a perfect representation of my greatness and Herculean muscles for all to worship. Ha ha! Although, I'll need subjects first. Who wants to join? You know you want to; the allure of evil is a seductive one. I'll probably need someone to scrub the armpit regions of the statue, though, and clip the weeds that'll grow from the apertures of the nose and ears. Besides maintenance of the statue, I'll also need personal servants. Hmmm, I know: You may submit your slave...I mean, ummm, valued servant...application at innocencelost101@hotmail.com. Explain why you think you would make a good edition to the Cult of Roseidous, and I shall assign you a job (don't forget to include the nick you go by here on the Morphz Message Board). Amelie, you may be the one to pour my Root Beer and open my bag o' chips. Do you have any skills in back and/or foot rubbing? >=o)
[Aren't I just so full of myself?]
Hey, wait, speaking of my birthday, I was rather disappointed when I did not receive anything from anyone here. Where is my dang Porsche, laptop computer, mansion in Tahiti, and/or winning lottery ticket?! I expect to be receiving such gifts after this...reminder...
You-Know-Who-You-Are-And-I-Know-Your-Name-But...: Unfortunately, when I tried to type your name out, I found that the keys necessary to write it were broken...yes, that's it. So...ummm...hello once again, person.
*Wipes beads of sweat from forehead*
"Whew, that otta cover all those other people whose names I can't remember," he mutters to himself.
*Glances around and notices others had heard what he said*
"Umm...heh..." Roseidous pulls anxiously on his collar. "Just disregard what you heard, please. I...uhhh...am under a lot of medication, you see...yeah...and sometimes I mutter things of absolute falsity...so just forget what I said, K?"
*Grins nervously*
[This would have to be the longest introduction paragraph(s) I have ever written for Comedy Corner. I wonder how many people fell asleep, or skipped ahead? If you're still with me, and have completely (or mostly) read the above, then I congratulate you. Your reward: Comedy Corner! Okay, so you could have skipped ahead and still receive the "reward", but what else can I offer? Enjoy!] =o)
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Roseidous
PS:
Hey, you can now reach me via email! Feel free to email me any time at Hercanic@hotmail.com to chat, praise/suck up, complain, babble, prank call, rave like a lunatic, worship me, curse me, or arrange a meeting in a dark alley...no, wait, scratch that one.
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